and it's just that: a damn shame! a damn shame that i spent so many days feeling so incomplete, so inhuman, so caught like a rabbit in a snare, choking on fear. i don't regret it -- how would i ever know how happy i am now, without feeling that pain and loneliness as i did? as close as lovers? my life is vastly different from what it was three years ago. nothing lasts forever! but i am so happy where i am, nigh blissful in my impermanence. my life is juniper trees and sage brush, snow-capped mountains and evergreen trees of all shapes, alpine lakes losing their frosty covers while, a thousand elevation feet down, there are bright shocks of green green grass popping up between lava rocks where i live. the sky is different every day.